As you may know from reading my posts, I have some strong feelings about Wal-Mart (it’s a love/hate thing).  Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that they provide affordable products and grocery items – and that if you’re on a budget, Wal-Mart has some great deals.  That being said, each local Wal-Mart tends to take on the flavor and personality of its clientele, and in the case of the Hagerstown Wal-Mart (#1674 – Salute!), a trip to this specific location is never a dull experience.

So on a recent evening when my wife stated that she needed some quick purchases and suggested we make a “quick run” to Wal-Mart, my first thought was “ugh”, but I relented and off we went.

First, let’s talk about the demographics here.  I live in Western Maryland – a place where farming, hunting, classic rock, and country music abound.  A place where jacked up pick-up trucks sport gun racks and Confederate flags.  As Gene Wilder would say in “Blazing Saddles”, these are “people of the land – the common clay” of Maryland.

You know – rednecks.

Now, I can say this because they are my people.  Like any family, we can make fun of each other.  I do it out of love.  When I roll my eyes at the sights and sounds in my local Wal-Mart, it’s because I can relate.  I may not agree with a person’s life choices, but hey – I can respect them.  Do what you do.  It doesn’t bother me – but for God’s sake Barbara-Jean, please move that cart over to one side of the aisle or the other.  Make a choice.  You’re drifting like a ghost ship in the harbor, and I’m just trying to find some mouthwash.  Who could you possibly be texting with such intensity?  From that ankle monitor you’re sporting, I hope it’s your parole officer.

Anyway, I digress.

I’m not saying that obesity is a problem in my area, but let’s just say that there’s a fleet of electric mobility scooters in use at the store that are all wheezing from hitting their max weight limit.  It’s not like people are making good choices, either.  There’s a line at the Dunkin’/Baskin Robbins location at the front of the store at 6:30 PM.  The Halloween sugar cookie display inside the door is bigger than a semi-truck, and two-liter sodas (Great Value store brand) are $0.72 a piece.  When it comes down to buying either a single Honey Crisp apple or a party-size bag of barbeque potato chips (for the same price), I think it’s easy to see where decisions are being made.

The store itself is also in a constant state of disarray.  Kids and adults have literally destroyed the Halloween section, and the aisles generally look as if an F-3 tornado ripped through the property a mere ten minutes ago.  Clothes are off of the racks and lying on the floor.  I can’t even imagine this place on Black Friday.

That being said, I never experience a visit to my Hagerstown Wal-Mart without being fascinated by just watching the people.  A social scientist could easily obtain a PhD here.  Just when I think I’ve seen it all, someone walks by me and I’m forced to internally say “wow”.  It’s quite a cast of characters.  I’ve seen women in pajamas in the middle of the afternoon, kids barely clothed in January, dozens of questionable tattoos, and men with open wounds (still wearing their hospital bracelets).  I’ve seen happy people, really happy people (e.g. stoned to the bejesus belt), sad people, angry people, and really angry people (e.g. active fist-fights).  You really want to feel the pulse of America?  Take a seat on a bench at the front of your local Wal-Mart and just spend some time silently observing what’s going on around you.

It’s an eye opener.