So according to the USA Today, there’s a new, gigantic spider that’s slowly invading the southern United States and making its way up the East Coast.  Known as the Joro spider, this fist-sized, yellow-bodied behemoth was first recorded in Georgia back in 2013 and has been making its presence known farther and wider in the U.S. every year.

Well, that’s just great.

As with any of these unwanted new residents, scientists theorize that the spider “hitched a ride on a shipping container from Asia”.  Do we check nothing at the border anymore? 

“Hey, Larry, what the heck is that giant spider doing in that crate of bananas?”

“I don’t know, Carl, but I’m not getting anywhere close to him – and there he goes!” (scurries off the dock and into the bushes).

Problem solved.

Luckily, they seem to be susceptible to the cold of winter, so at least that is limiting their expansion into Union-held territory.  Thank the maker. 

Scientists say we should “learn to live with them” now that they are here and that they are beneficial, gobbling up flies, mosquitos, and even stink bugs in their webs (uhhh, weren’t stink bugs also introduced here from Asia?)  What’s next, an Asian bird that snatches small children, but also eats Joro spiders?

Oy vey.

Supposedly, the spiders are poisonous, but not harmful to humans (unless cornered).  Their fangs are said “not to be able to penetrate human skin”.  Who is “cornering” a spider the size of a baseball?  Have no fear, I see a spider larger than an orange roaming around my back yard and rest assured, that nightmare-fuel is getting a wide berth. 

“Whelp, I guess we’re selling the house now, because the backyard is infested by giant yellow spiders – make sure we don’t mention that to the realtor.”

Scientists state that if one would encounter a Joro spider, the best course of action is to let them alone.

Have no fear, that’s one bit of advice I can follow.