I spent last week in Florida visiting my youngest daughter, who is working for a theme park company infested with rodents (I think you know the one).  In addition, I also spent some time visiting my extended family on my wife’s side and delivering a car (the rest of my family flew while I drove the 920 miles to get there).  Upon my return this past weekend, I had some time to ponder about what I missed (and didn’t miss) about Central Florida after moving away from my former home some sixteen years ago (I spent over eighteen years living there in my 20’s and 30’s – also working for the same theme park giant my daughter is now employed by).

The Good

Theme Parks and Resorts

I really, really do miss being around the Walt Disney World Resort and its associated theme parks and hotels.  I was fondly reminiscing to my girls and telling them various work stories from my youth as we walked around Epcot and the Hollywood Studios, checked out some new attractions, and revisited old favorites (if the lines weren’t super long).  I’ve always enjoyed what Disney has to offer in Orlando, and didn’t realize how much I missed being able to go there whenever the urge struck (as a cast member perk) and just hang out.

Family

Visiting with family is always a good time, and it’s fun to watch my youngest as she shows off her work location, friends, future apartment, and new favorite spots (some of which intersected with my own from back in the day).  She’s building herself a life in the” Sunshine State”, just like I did over 35 years ago.  I also spent long, enjoyable evenings with my wife’s family, re-bonding over food, drink, playing cards, and catching up.  Good times.

The Bad

The Weather

Did I miss hot days with ungodly humidity?  Did I miss walking around with a thin film of sweat covering my body and causing my clothes to soggily cling to every orifice like a damp rag?  Did I miss afternoon downpours that made me question the possible buoyancy of simple objects like chairs, cushions, or even automobiles?  Lightning strikes so violent and earthshaking thunder so severe that I peed my pants a little?  No – the answer is a definitive “no”.

The Crowds

The older I get, the less and less of a people person I have become.  My patience meter with crowds – even though I am on vacation in a tourist destination – is near zero.  Never underestimate the stupidity or lack of awareness of people in large groups.  I cannot stress this enough.  Oh, and if you think the average size of the American tourist is not reaching circus side show levels, then you haven’t been people watching very much.  Let me also take a moment to give a “shout out” to the deodorant industry and say that you guys should advertise more because I don’t think folks in warmer climates are paying much attention to your wares.

The Traffic

Central Florida traffic (especially around the theme park areas) is an absolute nightmare.  I’m talking it-takes-an-hour-to-go-four-miles type of driving on the major highways.  When you mix in a lot of rental cars, bad weather, and drivers unfamiliar with local roads, it is a recipe for disaster.  I think I-4 (the major highway artery) could be widened to six lanes going both ways – with the newly added toll lanes in the median – and it wouldn’t make a dent.  If you have vacation plans in the area this summer, all I can say is leave early, have a calming phrase at the ready (“serenity NOW!”), and bring a book on tape.  You’re gonna need it. 

While it was good to get away, it’s always good to come home (even if I am flying Allegiant).

Have a great week!