Ahhhh, spring!  You’re just around the corner.  Warm days, flowers in bloom, chirping birds – I do love the change of seasons.  It’s also time for the annual spring catalog from Oriental Trading Company, who will readily provide all of your Easter trinket and tchotchke needs (they even have a “happiness guarantee”).  If you need to find something weird that crosses the boundaries between commercial celebrations and religion this holiday season, Oriental Trading is for you.  Every year, these folks find new and uncomfortable ways to mix the gospel with the garish, and the chuckles I get from turning the pages of their catalog are sure-fire.  Here are some highlights from this year’s catalog:

Toy-Filled Eggs

You may think you’ve seen everything placed inside a toy Easter egg, but I can assure you – you’re wrong.  Oriental Trading has colorful eggs that are filled with all kinds of head-scratching and disturbing items, such as slime, “Crown of Thorns” bracelets, even dinosaurs (excuse me?).  Honestly, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a tiny face light up when they open their egg to reveal a jumbo, glow in the dark, “Focus on Jesus” telescope, a “God’s Galaxy” bouncy ball, a “He Lives” slap bracelet, or my personal favorite – the “Resurrection Shaped Me” silly putty puck.  I wish I was making these names up.  Oh, to be young again.

Cross-Shaped Magic Springs

Yes, that-s right – it’s a “Slinkee”, but in the shape of a cross.  Wow.  Perfect for warding off vampires or other monsters at the bottoms of your basement stairs – alone or in pairs, it makes a heavenly sound.  I’m guessing here.

Jesus Slow-Rising Squishies

How about that?  A “stress ball” in the shape of our Lord and Savior.  I’m not quite sure how I feel about taking out my nervous energy on the Messiah, but hey, I’ll try anything once.  No matter how much you squeeze him, he goes back to his normal shape in just three days.  I made that last part up, but you never know.

Fish Fry Adult T-Shirts

Oriental Trading always has something strange for the Catholic community, and this catalog is no exception.  There’s a whole section on “Fish Fry Friday”, with odd offerings like drink coozies, branded plastic cups, and these T-shirts.  Honestly, if you’re out and about while wearing this, you won’t need a COVID face mask, because I’m going to give you plenty of space.

“He Lives” Puzzle Cubes

A Rubik’s Cube can be hard enough, but now I have to reassemble a deity in the correct order?  That’s a lot of pressure on a simple, sinful man.  I hope there’s a YouTube video that can help me solve this one.

Want to see these (and other) wares for yourself?  Check out everything Oriental Trading has to offer here – and buckle up, because it’s an adventure.