Yes, it’s time for our annual review of the Oriental Trading Company’s latest catalog, full of all kinds of toys, games, and tchotchkes for your party planning needs.  Spring means Easter, and Easter means some of the looniest, strangest, and just plain weird gift ideas for your holiday celebrations.  Here’s my pick for this year’s favorites:  

Easter Bowling Game

Yes, in these days of cell phones and internet, we need our kids to be more active, but I’m not sure if this is the answer.  How do these ideas get off the drawing board?  I’m imagining the meeting where this was pitched.  “So, it’s a bowling game, but the pins are crosses – and each one says ‘Jesus knocks out sin’.  Hee-hee-hee!   Get it?”  Oh, we get it Karen.  Good thing your Dad is on the board of directors.  I’m picturing a warehouse somewhere in El Paso chock full of unused pallets of these.

Jesus Shaped Easter Eggs

I’m not so sure I want youngsters to visualize our Lord and Savior as an overweight, borderline diabetic man with gout who has to be broken in half in order to reveal prizes hidden within his intestinal cavity.  What happened to him on the road to Jerusalem?  Did he get stung by a bee?  Was he allergic to goat hair?  For goodness sake, he looks like Dom DeLuise dressed up for a Mel Brooks movie.

Last Supper Scene Table Topper

If you want to host a holiday dinner to remember, break out this bad boy and plop it down as your centerpiece on Easter Sunday.  While savoring your ham and sweet potatoes, you can play games like “name all the disciples” or my personal favorite, “which one is Judas?”  I’ll give you a clue to get you started – Jesus is the one in the middle.

Glow-in-the-Dark “He Has Risen” Tomb Easter Eggs (with Cross)

I realize that there are limited things one can market as “toys” for Easter, but even this one is a bit of a stretch.  If you want to receive some stares of confusion, start handing these out at the annual Easter egg hunt.  First of all, they glow-in-the dark.  Yeah – – creepy.  Secondly, the tomb “egg” contains a cross as the “prize”.  What kind of weird, Catholic voodoo is that?  Actually, if you really want to send the kids to therapy, fill up the eggs with those skeleton “Sweet-Tarts” from Halloween.  That will ensure a few blissful nights of slumber for the kiddies – as well as some lengthy explanations at the next Church Council meeting.  Honestly, shouldn’t the egg actually be empty?  Just sayin’……

Pop-Up Jesus!

It’s back!  I fell in love with this toy (which was part of a set) a few years ago – so much so that I actually bought it – just for the main figure.  I even took it to church.  Oh, how we laughed – well, some of us did.  Anyway, not wanting to miss out on a good thing, the Oriental Trading Company now offers the Son of God all by his lonesome.  That’s right.  Push him down on his base and in a few seconds, he “pops” off the table, scaring the crap out of any child under the age of three and distressing the family pets.  Woo hoo!  What fun.  Drop a box-load of these on your kids on Easter morning (they come as a twenty-four count carton).  You’ll have jumping Messiahs all over your living room and you won’t see the cat again until Memorial Day.

Oriental Trading Company advertises next day delivery, so there’s still time to get these (and many other weird and wonderful) items and fill up those Easter baskets.  What are you waiting for?