The Solar Eclipse: Can Everyone Just Calm Down?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month, by now you’ve no doubt heard about the total eclipse of the sun that is upcoming this Monday, August 21st, 2017.
The eclipse event won’t be a “total eclipse” here in the four-state area (we’ll get about 84% coverage), but that hasn’t stopped everyone locally from going off the deep end trying to get ready for it.
Honestly, a month ago these yokels couldn’t tell you what an eclipse was – now they are all budding Carl Sagans and want to tell you all about umbras, coronas, altitudes, and directions. They’ll go on at length (if you let them) about what a “once in a lifetime event” it is.
Except that it isn’t.
Eclipses happen on a regular basis – generally between two and five every year, although I will give in and say that the last time the eclipse followed this path across the US was in roughly 1918, when doughboys hated the Kaiser and men didn’t look out of place wearing a straw hat. So, from that perspective, I guess it can be called a special event, but people are treating it like the seventh seal is being broken from the Book of Revelation, and that’s a bit much.
In my home improvement job, we sold out of the eclipse glasses probably two weeks ago (yes, people were asking for them that long ago). I know I get asked five or six times a day if we have any – in the lawn mower and grill section. That’s reaching, people. We’ve started to tally the number of times someone calls in to ask if we have any eclipse glasses left. On Wednesday (8/16), the tally reached 141.
Seriously.
By 1:00 p.m. on Thursday (8/17), the count was well over 80. The Customer Service Department started answering the phone with the greeting “hello – no, we don’t have any eclipse glasses – may I help you with something else?”
“Where can I get them?” comes the breathless answer. “I must have some.”
People have started buying welding goggles as a substitute. Yes, that is the Porkbutt family sitting next to you – everyone from Marla Jean to Grandma Toothless – all wearing welding goggles. Guess we’ll be seeing a boatload of returns on Tuesday.
I’ve started suggesting to patrons that they make a simple pinhole viewer, where two paper plates can be used to create a cheap and safe way to watch the event without even looking at the sun. Following the slack-jawed stares of dumbfounded amazement, I then usually get a response like “nahh , I’m not telling Bobby he can’t look at the sun – he’s too excited.” (That’s an actual quote, by the way.) Pardon me for injecting a little concerned parenting into the conversation, but isn’t “don’t stare at the sun” on the “Top Ten” list of things parents should tell their kids not to do? I’ll admit it may not be number one, but I’m sure it’s on there somewhere.
To the rest of you – be smart – and be safe.
The event starts at around 1:15 p.m. locally on Monday, reaching its peak at around 2:40 p.m.
It will all be over at around 3:59 p.m.
And here’s a little “fair warning” to all of the optometrist and ophthalmologist offices in the four state area. Buckle up, sailors. Next Tuesday is going to be a busy one.