Dear, Netflix.  What happened to you?

You used to be a rebel.  You broke the back of poor old ‘Blockbuster’ back in the 90’s, offering us a chance to rent movies without late fees – and you even sent them directly to our homes.  No more running to the video store on a Friday night to look for a movie that was already checked out.  It was waiting in our mailboxes when we got home.  The good ‘ol days.

Then you offered us direct streaming services.  You offered movies and shows – all at the touch of a remote – and streamed straight to our TVs at home.  No more DVDs.  You were a viable alternative to cable.  You even got me to turn my cable off, as I didn’t need to sign up for 300 channels of garbage (“Ancient Aliens” or “Real Housewives”, anyone?) just to watch that one movie or show that was on my “can’t miss” list.

You asked me – no make that begged me – to take advantage of your services and sign up for multiple screens in my house, so that my kids (or other family members) could have their own account and watch whatever they wanted in their space, while I could enjoy my show in mine.  You ACTIVELY encouraged me to share the account password with my kids, so they could sign-in when they were away at college and still get your services.  I was paying for multiple screens (you said) – why not use them from wherever?  Your prices were good.  Your content was good.  Life was good.

Then, other people started horning in on your business model.  Hulu came around, then Disney +.  Then, “free” services like Pluto and Tubi (although they showed commercials, which is why we hated network and cable television in the first place).  Everything was still OK, though.  You were happy.  I was happy.

Then, you started paying outrageous prices for content.  Do you remember when you paid comedian Dave Chappelle for three specials – at $20 million dollars each?  I was stunned.  Dave Chappelle was smiling, I’m sure.  I thought, “wow, you guys must be doing really well”. 

Then, other studios like Paramount and HBO started offering streaming services.  Suddenly, there were as many choices for streaming as there were channels on my old cable box.  Everybody’s service was a separate charge now as well – so we had to start making choices for which one we wanted.  You continued to pay a lot of money for original content – and let’s face it – some of it wasn’t that great.

Profits began to plunge.  Subscribers were leaving for other services, and your investors started getting antsy.

So what is your brilliant solution?  You’ve jacked up prices.  You’ve added a cheaper “commercial” tier (but that was why we left cable and network TV in the first place).

Now?  Now you want to charge me extra for “sharing” my account password.  Something you touted as the thing to do not just two years ago.  You’re gonna start charging me extra if my kid signs in to your service now from college – even if I’ve paid for multiple screens?  Oh, you’ve got a workaround, but it looks like I’d need a PhD from Stanford to understand all of the rules and ways to get around it.  Sign into my “home system” once every 31 days, but my family has to use their specific device from the home location (so carry the TV back home for a sign-in once every month)?  Ha, ha – that’s crazy, right?  Don’t worry, you can ask for a temporary code (that works for 7 days), but you can only do that once or twice. 

You say you have ways of knowing who’s doing what.  You’ll track me, using IP addresses, location data, and I guess what can only be described as a combination of alchemy and a series of Pony Express riders.

What’s this?  Now you’re telling me that you didn’t mean it?  That the new rules were published “in error” and you’re re-evaluating?  I think someone in the PR department recognized what a terrible business move you were making and took you outside for a stern lecture entitled “Customer Relations 101.”  

Either way, I’ve had about enough of your shenanigans.

Your poor decisions and increased competition are called “business” and honestly, you’re doing a bad job of it right now.  People are going to start leaving in droves (me included).  It’s the law of the jungle, and from my vantage point, the hyenas are swarming around your bloated carcass.  How’s it feel, to be this generation’s version of ‘Blockbuster’ video?  At least they had class when they went under and didn’t start charging me $100 for every movie rental.  They went out like champs.

You better take a long look in the mirror, Netflix, because you’ve got a gaping head wound, no one seems to have any bandages, and the general public will soon be stepping over your lifeless corpse lying in the street.