Chicken wings.

These days almost as American as apple pie, the humble chicken wing has come a long way in the past thirty years.  Believe it or not, there was a time when butcher shops couldn’t give these things away, but those days are long gone.  Today, the price of wings is more expensive per pound than boneless, skinless chicken thighs – and about three times the price of bone-in, chicken leg quarters.

Amazing.

Every restaurant I visit seems to have them on the menu, either as appetizers or as a main course.  Chains such as ‘Buffalo Wild Wings’, ‘Wing-Stop’ – even ‘Hooters’ – are built around them.  The big carry-out pizza chains are in on the act as well, offering sides of wings to go along with their various pies for delivery or pick-up.  Hell, I can even get wings at my local convenience store – made to order.

Chicken wings are also synonymous with football.  According to the National Chicken Council, more than 1.3 billion (yes, billion) chicken wings will be consumed on Super Bowl Sunday[1].

That’s 650 million chickens, ladies and gentlemen.

In one day.

Quite frankly, the celery industry should be sending “thank you” notes to every poultry farmer in the country, because celery (as well as blue cheese and ranch dressings) has come along for the ride on the chicken wing party train, and let’s be brutally honest, here – celery is the equivalent of parsley on a chicken wing platter.  I know for every ten chicken wings I eat, I’ll easily stare at and eventually throw away at least three pieces of celery.  Oh sure, there’s always that one guy who eats a bunch of it (but no one really likes you, Jerry).

People are also very particular about how their wings are prepared.  Some like them breaded.  Some prefer “buffalo style”, grilled, or even smoked.  Some like their wings crispy (my personal preference).

Diners sometimes prefer a particular piece of the wing.  There are “drums” people and “flats” people.  Believe it or not, there are also “tips” people (Jerry – why are you still here?)

Then there are the sauces.  The options are endless, from taste profile to heat index; however, the real marketing genius here is to create sauces that most of the general population will be unable to even taste, let alone eat.  I just love the names – it’s as if they dare you to try them.

“Colon Cleaner”.

“Rectal Rampage”.

“Satan’s Blood” (no I’m not making any of these up – they are actually for sale).

I don’t know if I want to eat or make a pre-emptive doctor’s appointment.

If sauce isn’t your thing?  Then you can have them dry-rubbed (in various flavors and degrees of heat) – or even “naked” (easy there, hipster).

Now, my family will even nibble on a turkey wing at holiday time, and these used to be destined to go whole into a soup pot to make stock for something else.

So rejoice, dear chicken wing – you’ve gone Hollywood.

Now, will someone please pass me the blue cheese dressing?

 

[1] Per Marketwatch.com, “Guess How Many Chicken Wings Americans will Consume during the Superbowl”, https://www.marketwatch.com/story/super-bowl-consumption-by-the-numbers-2016-01-29, referenced on 1/13/18