Once all of the Christmas stuff starts coming down in January, it always seems like a good idea to start taking a good look at the house and “de-cluttering” it a bit.

It’s an overwhelming task.  It’s best to start in one room and just start looking at everything in it.  I’ll start with that “junk drawer” in the kitchen?  Have you ever taken a good look in there?  Yeeessshhhh.  I doubt if I need that dentist appointment reminder card from 2019, even if the office phone number is printed on it.  I can look that up again, right?  How many rubber bands do I really need?  What battery does this go to?  Every pen I pull from here doesn’t work – and every pencil is un-sharpened or has a broken point.  There are staples, paperclips, and pennies strewn all about the bottom as well.   

 Wow, there sure are a lot of drink coozies in that cabinet.  Three plastic pitchers?  How long has it been since I needed a “sippy cup”?  Fifteen plastic lids, but only eight plastic containers – something seems amiss.  What’s with all of these wine glasses – most of them that don’t even match? 

Another room – another “stored” mess.  What possessed me to collect all of these ‘Longaberger’ baskets?  They’re like Amish “Beanie Babies”.  It’s not like I’m going to one day be able to sell them all and retire into a higher tax bracket.  There sure are a lot of candles and coasters stuffed into these drawers.

On to the pantry.  That’s an odd amount of canned pumpkin hiding back there – what was I thinking?  There’s also a bunch of old cans of cream of crab soup, four boxes of opened lasagna noodles, two jars of cherries, and  – is that a box of ‘Wheaties’ with Cal Ripken, Jr, on it?  The last time the deep fryer saw any action was when George Bush (the latter) was president.  I think we recently used the breadmaker as an improvised step stool.  Oy vey.  

Let’s move to my office upstairs.  I’m staring right now at a collection of well over 150 music CDs.  I haven’t played any of them for the past three years – some of them for decades, but there they are.  It’s not like I can’t fire up the internet, find that song I like from the album, and then either download it (or just listen to it) for free, then let it go from my mind for another decade.  Why am I keeping them?  Old printer labels, diskettes from the 80’s, and an unused desk phone.  My shelves are littered with junk that has absolutely no worth whatsoever.  I’ve got stacks of investment documents piled up on the desk.  I moved all of these notifications to online, so why do I care what my mutual fund did back in the second quarter of 2007?  Honestly, this is nothing more than forty pounds of extra weight and a fire hazard.

Don’t even get me started about my closet.  Why do I have two tuxedo shirts?  I have a tuxedo, yes, but two shirts?  Speaking of which, there are at least a dozen shirts in here I never wear anymore, but they are taking up hanger space.  That pair of pants has a hole in the crotch, but here it remains, hung in a row and ready for service that will never come.

Am I the only one that this is happening to?  I swear I want to rent a portable dumpster and start throwing things in it like a crazy man.

But knowing me, six months from now, someone will say, “Hey, Jim – do you still have that CD with all of the ‘Flintstones’ TV music on it?” 

Damn you.