I recently attended my oldest daughter’s graduation from college.  It was a special day.  A milestone in her life and in ours, and while I couldn’t be any more proud of her completing this chapter of her life, I have to say I was more than a little embarrassed and disappointed at many of the other attendees at the graduation ceremony.

Yes, I’m talking to you, friends and family of other graduates.

I don’t mean to go off on a rant here, but honestly, have we degenerated as a society so far that we can’t even act like sensible adults for two hours on a Saturday afternoon in a packed field house for a celebration honoring our kid’s academic achievements?  The self-centeredness, lack of awareness, and inwardly focused attitude of today’s generation simply astounds me at times.

I’m probably going to betray my age here, but, I was always taught that the dress code for a graduation or other “special” event was at least “casual professional”, or as your grandma would say – “dress like you’re going to church”.  Well, I don’t know where many of you get your glory on with the man upstairs, but some of you dress better when you’re headed to pick up bags of mulch on a Saturday morning at the local home improvement store.  Flip-flops and an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt?  Maybe your kid should be wearing that under their robes.  Also, this is not the Kentucky Derby.  Big hats are nice ladies, but not when there are people sitting behind you trying to get a glimpse of the stage.  Save that big bonnet for a funeral – when no one wants to be there and can hide behind that duck blind you call headgear.

Soon, the stoic strands of ‘Pomp and Circumstance” begin to play and the proud graduates begin to enter the building.  Cue the cell phones and the parents yelling commands at their kids.  “Shania!  SHANIA!  OVER HERE!”  This is being shouted by a man who’s child is literally at the other end of the field house and would not be spotted even if he was wearing a neon-covered suit.  “Jeffrey!  Jeffrey?  Stand still for a second, honey!”  Yes, let’s hold up the entire line of grads so Aunt Lynn can get a good photo.  How about we move it along Jeffrey?  There are three hundred grads behind you.

Then there is the ranting and raving when the kids walk across the stage.  Now don’t get me wrong – I paid a lot for my kid to go to college, too – so I get the excitement that they have successfully completed their studies.  That being said, there were over 850 kids walking in the section of college (the Liberal Arts College) that was graduating that day.  Every parent wants to hear their child’s name over the loudspeaker and watch them take that stroll to shake hands with a college official and get their rolled diploma.  Too bad that some parents couldn’t even hear their kid’s name being called because five women in the row behind me are screaming like someone is trying to remove one of their kidneys with a pocket knife and a shoe horn.  Ladies, are you OK?  Do we need to call 911?  “AHHHHHHHHH!   AHHHHHHHHHHH!  THAT’S MY BABY!!!!!!”  Are you sure?  They seem a lot calmer than you – plus I can see their eyes rolling from here.  Why don’t you tone it down it down until after the ceremony when you meet everyone at the ‘Golden Corral’ and can stick your hand halfway into the chocolate fountain to cover that fist-full of marshmallows?

Colleges know what’s up.  They see it through every graduation ceremony they are having for the week.  It’s no use to ask people to act like decent human beings, because they know Earl and Mama June are going to give the college the proverbial middle finger and do what they want anyway.  “Please wait until all of the graduates have exited before you attempt to leave the field house”.  You can forget that, because it’s almost as if someone pulled the fire alarm or spotted Bruce Springsteen outside asking for directions.  People were piling over us to get out like they had eaten ‘Taco Bell’ for lunch and were in intestinal distress.

Still, at the end of the day, we survived the ceremony and our gal is now a college graduate.

That certainly is worth celebrating, despite the rest of you bastards.