What’s happened to all the “fine dining” choices in Hagerstown?

“LJ’s”?  Gone.

“Aqua 103”?  Being “re-launched”.

“Family Meal”?  Didn’t make it 6 months.

These days, it’s easier to spot a Sasquatch or an “I’m with Hillary” bumper sticker than it is to sit down to a linen tablecloth when dining out in the county seat.  Don’t get me wrong, I like a good Legion Steak Feed or hog butchering as much as the next guy, but there are times when I want to put on my church clothes, sit down in a nice dining room, order an expensive glass of wine, and have someone in a white shirt and tie bring me a basket of warm bread with truffle butter, a creamy lobster bisque, and a slow simmered lamb shank – all served without reaching over me at some point during dinner.  That type of meal and service is getting harder and harder to find.

Where did all the high-end dining go?

Well, let’s be honest.

Locals killed it.

You can argue with me all you want, but you know they did.  Any place that opens where the entrees start north of $20 has a limited shelf life – especially in Hagerstown.  Restaurants with higher price point menus and top-tier service can’t compete with the “all-you-can-eat” buffets or local clubs and bars that can subsidize their food costs with tip-jar profits.  There just isn’t enough critical mass to keep the high-end dining establishments open.

I’m also talking about “non-chain” restaurants.  It seems that if a national chain has a big enough sign or enough neon on the building, people will flock to it like moths to a flame – no matter what is on the menu.  I’m honestly mystified that after several years, one still has to WAIT to get into the “Olive Garden” at the Valley Mall during dinner service.  What is the attraction?  It has to be the salad and breadsticks (“I tell you what – they just keep bringing it – I’ve never seen Carl so happy”).  Maybe it’s the mint chocolate square they give you with the check.  Whatever it is I am genuinely puzzled.

Don’t believe me?  Drive by any number of even mid-price local restaurants on a Wednesday night in Hagerstown.  They are ghost towns.  Three people sitting at the bar – a bartender doing nothing but refilling draft beers and two servers sitting in the corner of an empty dining room.  Now drive by a “Golden Corral”.  The parking lot is full.  You’ll wait in line.  It’s hard to get up to the buffet due to navigating all of the motorized wheel chairs and folks obviously prepping for a career in sumo wrestling.  Unattended kids are up to their elbows in the chocolate fountain, dipping marshmallows with their bare hands.  Workers can’t keep the fried chicken stocked fast enough, and the French-fry bin is being hit like a “free T-shirts” box at a yard sale.  Meanwhile, there’s plenty of breathing of room at the salad bar end of the buffet.  I’m not saying that there isn’t a lot of turnover of fruit and vegetables, but if the tomatoes could talk, they would probably tell you how happy they were to see the Cubs win the World Series – and you get it all for just $11.99.  Woo hoo!

Even if a higher-end establishment does get a local in the door, any time they order an entrée that isn’t piled so high that they can’t see their dining companion across the table or the slab of meat isn’t completely covering a plate the size of a turkey platter, they act as if they are getting ripped off.

Look, fine dining is expensive.  It takes a lot of time, money, and labor to source the right ingredients, pay for professional help, and run a high-end restaurant.  Proprietors can’t turn-over the dining room four times a night in fine dining (they’re lucky to get two turns).  That means in order to keep operating at a high level and survive, they HAVE to be busy.  Every night.  I mean “can’t-get-in-on-the weekend-without-a-reservation-and-maybe-I-can-have-dinner-on-Tuesday-if-it’s-early” busy.  I’m sorry, but ten hard-core locals who faithfully dine once a month just doesn’t pay the bills.  Three slow nights a week and that little Bistro you love will be shuttered before Memorial Day of next year.

If you want or enjoy sustainable fine dining locally, you have to support it – and not just you.  Otherwise, take a deep breath, square up and squeeze in to get a hunk of low-grade steak at the buffet – or hop in the car and head east to Frederick for a special night out – but make sure you have a reservation first.