As a kid, I always thought that one day, when I grew up, I’d have a job where intelligent adults collaborated on interesting projects and treated each other with respect and dignity.

HA-HA-HA!  I almost got it out without laughing.

WHOOOOO!  Stop it, my side hurts.

In all seriousness, I’m sure you’re busy at your job and place of work.  I know I am.  You know what one of my pet peeves is?  Having to stop what I’m doing to take the time to address silly stuff, like who slighted whom in the breakroom, perceived “lack of output” and dedication of staff members I supervise, and other agenda items of complete and utter bulls&*t manufactured and created by the workplace “Karens”.

Now, I’m not trying to be sexist here, but most of this drama is caused by my feminine colleagues.  If you wrong a guy at work, odds are he’s gonna tell you right then and there – and then move on with his life.  He may not like you, but you’ll know it from that point forward.  It’s a simple and easy relationship to navigate.

Women, on the other hand, are a completely different breed.  If you came back from your lunch break three minutes late five years ago, Karen filed that away in her internal “vengeance folder”, still treating you with “sugar and spice” in all of your face-to-face encounters.  However, when the time is right for her, she’ll reference that incident (and many other perceived grievances) as she burns down the entire workplace structure like General Sherman marching from Atlanta towards the sea in 1864.  A laundry list of infractions will spew forth like a priest reciting the rosary to exorcise a demon sitting in the far cubicle.

Some folks just aren’t happy unless everyone else is unhappy, and as the old management adage states, you’ll spend 90% of your time dealing with 10% of your staff and/or colleagues. I thought we were all professionals, but it’s like I was hired to chaperone an all-girls school, and someone didn’t get asked to the upcoming May formal, so they are going to wreak havoc on the entire Social Committee – and piss in the punch bowl for good measure.  The manufactured drama is laughably insane.

The communication skills exhibited by some of my co-workers is simply neanderthal.  They are so passive aggressive that they’d rather call their supervisor to complain, who in turn calls my supervisor, who then wants to speak to me about the “problem with Bob”, when in fact, they could have simply walked into my office and ask about why Bob is out of the office today, when he is going to be back, and can anyone else help them with their issue?

But no, “Bob is a problem and no one in that department is doing anything about it over there!”

What in the world are you talking about, Karen?

There’s nothing more exasperating (and satisfying) than explaining to a boss your side of the story and hearing the inevitable “is that what this is about?” followed by an eye roll and that expression that clearly states, “what a waste of time”.

Yeah, I get that.  I’m with you 100%.

The office politics and games played on a daily basis is excruciatingly tiresome, and while I’m sure some of these folks thrive on it, I, on the other hand, do not.  As a matter of fact, outside of work, to quote ‘Don Draper’ from the “Madmen” TV series, I don’t think about these people at all.

My retirement from all of this emotional “white noise” is looming.  Only 225 days away.

Not that I’m counting or anything.