I don’t know how long it’s been since the last time you went out to eat at a casual dining chain, but the landscape sure has changed – and not for the better.

First off, I’m going to do my “old man” rant on QR codes.  Now, I do technology as a profession, so I understand that it does help in some cases.  I also understand that the younger generation has no problem adapting to these advances, but I’d like to say that my feet are planted firmly in the camp of “what are you doing?” to most of these chain establishments.  QR code instead of a menu?  No, thank you.  Bring me a paper copy or we can sit here and stare at each other while I take guesses as to what your bill of fare consists of.  Here’s the latest “perk” that had me in a blind rage.  I was eating at a wings establishment this past week (it rhymes with “Tukahoe Styled Things”) for their “all you can eat” boneless wings (aka “adult chicken nuggets”).  Apparently, this place is taking their management tips from the Red Lobster school of “we really don’t want to be in business anymore”.  Anyway, when it came time to pay, I got out my credit/debit card, and the waitress said “oh, you have to scan the QR code on the table to pay.”

Excuse me?

Yeah, that’s right.  Instead of the server taking my card and running it, I now had to scan the code, sign-in to the restaurant website on my phone, enter my payment information, and only then was my transaction complete.  I’m sorry, why are we doing this?  Is this somehow easier for me?  Is this supposed to be more secure?  Traversing the web to eventually enter my own card number on your site?  What if I didn’t have my phone?  No offense, but I’d love to see the Sunday church ladies lunch bunch try to traverse this payment option.  Get the tech support boys from the kitchen, because we’re all gonna be here a while.

What’s next – a box on the table where I give my order to a fake AI server or an offshore attendant who can barely hear me, followed by a small robot delivering my order to the table (and probably getting it wrong)?  You’ve probably read that a Scottish sounding fast food behemoth was trying out a fully automated location in Texas.  That’s right, all robots – no people, and drive-thru only.  Quite frankly, no burger and fries is worth all of this trouble.

Speaking of burgers and fries, when did that historic combo become over $11 per person at the golden arches?  I guess the old slogan “you deserve a break today” didn’t mean on the pricing. Sounds like the “Hamburglar” is running finances over there.  $13 for a cheeseburger at Cinco Hombres (use your Google translator if you need to understand who I’m referring to here) – without fries and a drink?  Have you lost your minds?  There’s no one in the dining room, and I can understand why. 

Also, don’t think that we can’t do what you’re doing faster, better and cheaper at home.  Yes, I’m talking to you, Southwest themed eatery that specializes in burritos and bowls (and rhymes with “Hip Latte”).  You think you’re the only one who knows how to make cilantro-lime rice?  Believe me, I do it at home all the time and my family thinks my Tex-Mex bowls are miles ahead of yours – at a fraction of the cost.  Hell, I can download the colonel’s famous eleven herbs and spices mix off the internet in five minutes and make a competitive knock-off of their signature bird in my own kitchen tonight.

We need an uprising, people.  Like the revolt against self-checkout scanning, I honestly hope that some crafty neer-do-wells find a way to circumvent all of this stupid and complex hoo-ha and figures out a way to beat these companies out of every sandwich or taco they can muster, and then shares it on YouTube so we can all learn their deceitful ways. 

Viva la Revolution!