It’s coming – like a beast that has slumbered all season, waiting to unleash its onslaught of bargains and deals for those brave souls willing to sacrifice sleep and sanity to take on its promise of retail nirvana.

“Black Friday”.

For most stores, it’s the turning point of their fiscal year – when they actually START to turn a profit (changing their financial figures from red to black, hence the name).

You’ve all seen the videos, articles, and news reports.  The Thursday edition of the newspaper weighs an extra fifteen pounds from the advertising inserts.  Long lines snake around box stores, often starting in the early evening hours of Thanksgiving.  Pushing, screaming, fistfights – all for that video game cartridge, big screen TV, or latest model of cell phone – acquired at a seemingly rock-bottom price.

Is it really necessary anymore?

Statistics show that “Cyber Monday”, the closely related cousin of “Black Friday” can garner just as many deals and savings – and can be done from the comfort and safety of your own home (and with free shipping to boot).  Honestly, my annual holiday shopping is almost complete and I’ve never even set foot in a store.  A few clicks and a nice man in a brown panel truck brings it all to my house.

There’s no longer any need to jump up from the Thanksgiving table, grab a quick nap, then dress in your finest pajama bottoms or sweatpants in order to stand body-to-body with complete strangers at 4:00 AM because that Old Spice gift pack is a door buster bargain at $1.99.

Look, I understand that there may be an allure to trying the overnight shopping blitz at least once in one’s life – it’s like a bucket list event (been there, done that), but ask anyone who’s gone through the process – did they truly enjoy it?  Was it worth blowing up their entire weekend’s sleep schedule?

And that is just from the customer side.  What about the retail workers?  As someone who was a part of this unsung army just a few years ago, I can tell you that there isn’t a single retail worker that WANTS to be there.  Obnoxious customers who are overly demanding, impatient, destroy inventory, and leave the shelves looking like a bomb went off in the aisle?  Hmmmmm, can I please end my family holiday early so I can clock in at 8:00 PM on a Thursday night in anticipation of the busiest shopping day of the year?  Oh yes, sign me up for that shift – and while you’re at it, kick me in the jimmies once every thirty minutes so my overall demeanor is just a shade under blind fury and rage.  Let’s see, cranky shoppers plus cranky retail workers – that’s a recipe for great customer service.

Here’s my advice for “Black Friday” this year.  Don’t participate.  Relax.  Have a second slice of pie or another glass of wine on Thanksgiving Day.  Watch a ball game or take a nap.  Raid the fridge at 10:00 PM for a leftover turkey sandwich.  Sleep in on Friday.  Trust me, they’ve made plenty of LEGO sets – you’ll find one on the internet somewhere on Friday or Saturday afternoon (for a good price, too).  Go to the mall next Tuesday – it will all work out in the end. 

Enjoy the time with your family or loved ones you’ve gathered together this upcoming weekend.

You can thank me later.

I hope each and every one of your have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!