There was a time long ago – as a young man, when I would watch all of those MTV videos of male rock stars dancing and singing amongst scantily-clad women (Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” comes to mind for some reason as a perfect example) and I would say to myself, “one day, I’m going to live in a house full of women.”

Be careful what you wish for.

Like some demented genie or cursed monkey’s paw, fate has granted me my childhood wish, for I now live in a house of nothing but women, being surrounded by a wife, two daughters, and even a cranky nineteen-year old cat who not only is female, but would also probably slit my throat in my sleep if she didn’t know I feed her on a regular basis.

This week is my oldest daughter’s graduation, and in support of this achievement, my mother-in-law and three sisters-in-law are also joining the fray, being housed in my home and my own mother’s house just down the street.  Counting my mother (and the cat), that’s nine women I get to navigate through in the next seven days.  I took the week off from work just to free up my schedule, which will also include airport runs, dinner arrangements, and other last minute odds-and-ends.  

Not another male in sight.

Not only is that quite a mix of estrogen, it is also a phenomenal amount of toilet paper we’ll be going through this week (I stocked up on a bulk 45-roll pack from Sam’s just for the occasion).  The house will be boisterous, loud, and joyful (fingers crossed), and I’m setting my alarm early each day in order to get my personal hygiene needs out of the way before a line forms for the bathrooms that would rival a Disney attraction (making every attempt to leave the seat DOWN as I leave).

I think I’m ready.  The house is clean, the sleeping arrangements have been made, and I purchased a huge bottle of gin to get me through the week.

So if you happen to pass by my house this week and spot me sitting in the backyard, rocking back and forth and talking to myself like some tormented sailor with Tourette’s, gently pat me on my head, tell me it will be all right, and go about your business. 

I just needed a little “me” time, that’s all.