Ahhh, the dream of the typical, American family.  There’s Mom, Dad, the eldest son and the youngest daughter.  They get the happy news in April that Dad got that well-deserved promotion at work and to celebrate, this summer they are going to pack up their suitcases and head down to Orlando, Florida for a week of fun and frolic at the most magical place on earth, Walt Disney World.  They excitedly talk about it over the dinner table, discussing what rides they want to enjoy, the mouse ears they will buy, and all of the memories they will create in that wonderful week under the warming rays of the Florida sun.

Well, just like any Hollywood story, it looks better on the screen than it does in real life.

Now, let me first set a few ground rules.  I love the Walt Disney Company.  I really do.  Not the “I got a tattoo of Mickey Mouse on my hiney” kind of love, but I really do enjoy the parks and all that Disney has to offer.  I worked for the company for over sixteen years.  My wife worked there.  My brother and his wife worked there.  My youngest daughter currently works there.  We keep up with the status of the parks on a regular basis.  I’d like to think that the Snyder family has a bit of a perspective and understanding concerning what goes on within the company (in general) and its Florida properties (in particular).

Also, I’m not going to dwell on the current shenanigans going on between the state of Florida’s governor and the company as a whole.  That’s for another time and another discussion (and yes, I have thoughts on that as well).  Today, I want to concentrate simply on the idea that a Walt Disney World vacation – as a “rite of passage” for most families – is all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.

It’s not.

First of all, there’s the preparation for the trip itself.  If you decide to go to Walt Disney World and think you can just start looking for accommodations, park tickets, and dining reservations a few weeks before your scheduled vacation, I have some very bad news for you.  These days, it takes up to a year of advance planning to just to ensure you have the right room reservations.  Dining reservations for most sit-down restaurants are gone up three months in advance.  There’s now a service called “Genie +”, which requires visitors to download phone apps and sign onto virtual queues for access to rides and shows.  The days of just showing up to the parks with a ticket and standing in line for a chance to experience your favorite ride are long gone.

Secondly, there’s the weather.  I don’t know the last time you were in Orlando during the summer, but I can tell you from experience, it’s hotter than a snake’s a%% in a wagon rut.  The heat index will top over 100 degrees on most days, and the humidity is almost biblical.  Now imagine spending hours and hours pounding out the miles over black-topped pathways.  Have you ever been sun-burned on the backs of your thighs?  How about afternoon thunderstorms so intense that it will have you watching for animals pairing up and searching for the ramp of an ark to get out of the rain?  Did I mention that Orlando was the lightning strike capital of the world?  Yeah, there’s that, too.

Third, there’s the crowds.  I don’t know if you’ve realized it yet, but yes, everyone else’s kids are off from school, too – so guess where everyone is going?  A two-hour wait to ride “Peter Pan’s Flight?”  It’s only 9:00 AM.  Where did all of these people come from?  By the time the fireworks roll around and everyone is body-to-body with their arms in the air, trying to film the show on their phones (instead of just experiencing the moment), the entire landscape smells like a combination of ‘Coppertone’ suntan lotion and a poorly ventilated locker room at ‘Planet Fitness’.

Still determined to go on your fun family vacation?  Did I mention the last issue?

Cost.

Overall, in 2023, the average cost for a family of four for a six day/five night Disney experience is going to run about $6,300.  That’s not even counting transportation to get there and back – or all of the little “impulse buys” that come with a vacation experience.

Are you thirsty?  Get ready to shell out $4.50 for a soft drink.  How about a slice of pizza for lunch?  That will set you back about $9.00.  Yes, per slice.  That’s just the beginning.  You’ll have to pay extra for a lot of things.  Those mouse ears I mentioned?  $40 per pair.  That “Genie +” app I mentioned?  That costs extra every day (and you can’t make ride reservations without it).  How about a balloon?  $14.  A Mickey-shaped ice cream bar?  $6.  Want a picture in front of the castle?  Disney will take the perfect one for you – for a price.  The standing joke when I worked there was that on the final day of your stay, a Disney character came to your room and hung you upside down, violently shaking you until all of the loose change fell out of your pockets, ensuring that Mickey and friends got every last bit of your vacation money.  That’s not true (of course), but it’s not that far off.

Sure, there are ways to minimize cost/maximize value, but again, go back to point number one.  It takes time and planning.  Now, I’m not comparing a Disney vacation to all of the work and logistics that went into the D-Day invasion of Normandy, but I will say it’s going to be hours and hours of research, notes, and planning to do it right.

So, if you’re bound and determined to have that magical Disney experience during the summer, start your pre-planning work now – for 2024.

Hope you have a Disney day!