It’s time once again for me to dive onto the Oriental Trading Company’s spring catalog to check out their weird and wonderful selection of Easter-themed religious toys and games!  If you’re new to this blog, this is an annual pilgrimage for me, as you never know just what wild and wacky ways the lads and lasses at OTC think their products will strike a chord with today’s youth.  Let’s get started, shall we?

Personalized Bendable Jesus

Well, so much for that “oh so B.C.” fashion sense.  This hip and modern Son of God has ditched the robe and bare feet for a trendy pair of skinny pants and some nice Birkenstock sandals. The sash still tells you he’s something special, though.  I think I’ve seen this guy at my local farmer’s market (he’s looking for a carrot – “this big”), or in line at the cannabis dispensary.  You might want to check the length on those britches, Big J.  I don’t think our Lord and Savior would have been caught dead in a pair of Capri pants in front of any Roman soldiers.  Just sayin’.

Bible Verse Goldtone Plastic Coins

You know what might have helped the spread of Christianity back in the early days?  Their own currency.  Think you can’t serve both God and money?  Now you can do both with these clever coins.  Maybe if you had enough, they could be melted down to make a Golden Calf.  That would look great in the foyer at Mar-A-Lago (wait a minute, I think they already have one).  Drop these little ditties off at all of the places that “expect” a tip from you these days, like the gas station, your favorite fast-food location, or the automatic car wash.  I’m sure they’d love to receive them in place of cash.

Mini-Jesus Plastic Figurines

‘Depeche Mode’ was right.  You can have your own “Personal Jesus”.  Carry him in your pocket and rub his robe for good luck, like when you’re playing the tip jar at the Legion, hitting up the slots at Charlestown, or trying to drive home after one-too-many at the local Moose Lodge.  If it doesn’t work and you still get pulled over, you just didn’t believe hard enough.  Trying to diet?  Drop these into the container of your gulty-pleasure snack and feel remorse as you grab onto him while binge watching “The White Lotus” or surfing the web at 11:00 PM.  Don’t worry.  He forgives you,  See that smile?  It’s gonna be all right.

Cross-Shaped Lotsa Pops Pop Fidget Toy Keychain

Do you have trouble sitting still in the doctor’s office, airport terminal, or that funeral of a friend?  Want to carry a rosary (like a good Catholic boy or girl) but just don’t want to be too conspicuous?  Here’s a way to handle both problems.  Get in you “Hail Marys” and “Our Fathers” wherever you’re at with these portable reminders of your guilt and worthless existence.  Pop off a sphere after each recitation, then flip it over and get in five more (if you’ve been extremely naughty).  Yeah, I’m talking to you.

Angel Ring Toss Game

“And what should you do if you ever see an angel, Timmy?”  That’s right, throw stuff at her.  Try to lasso her wings so she can’t fly or maybe knock her completely out with a head shot.  That halo isn’t gonna get up there by itself, you know.  Makes me want to rethink that casting in the annual Christmas pageant.  Can you imagine this at a carnival?  Yes, that’s right – three halos for a dollar.  Wrangle the archangel and you can win this stuffed bear or a penknife.  Good grief.

These gifts (and many others) are available now at www.orientaltrading.com.  Check them out – and Happy Easter!