So with my youngest daughter making her collegiate commitment to the University of Alabama this past week (sorry, Maryland Terrapins, but you snooze – you lose), I’ve found that I am now part of a parent guild and collegiate fan base that quite frankly shocks and scares me a little.

Let’s just start with the following that the school cultivates.  To say that the parents and fans of the university are fanatical (almost bordering on cult-like) is an understatement.  Don’t get me wrong, Tuscaloosa is a fine college town, but the level of adornment and rabid Crimson Tide mania that engulfs the town and its people has made a rookie like me stop and stare uncomfortably for a few moments on more than one occasion.

Take football, for example.  The town of Tuscaloosa lives and breathes football.  It’s an obsession (and with so many national championships to boast of – including this past year’s – there’s also a slight touch of arrogance).  The new football schedule for 2021 was just released this past week, and tickets for the “big” games (i.e. LSU, Auburn, etc.) are already selling like hotcakes.  Students can part with their university-issued tickets on the secondary market for unbelievable prices (I’m talking hundreds of dollars), and prime tailgating spots or popular bar venues can charge exorbitant prices just to participate.  No wonder the SEC wanted fall sports to continue during the pandemic.  It’s part of the economic engine that allows the town to survive.

My own brother and his wife are big fans of Alabama, and the fact that they seem to be in love with a university that they never attended in a state they’ve never lived in (and that is more than halfway across the country from where they reside) is odd, but admirable.  Their kids go there, sure, but by comparison, my oldest goes to Towson, and other than periodically wearing some branded apparel; I have no emotional attachment to the school one way or the other (although I do shed a few tears every time I pay tuition).

To be fair, while big fans, my brother and his wife do not go to most of the parental extremes I have encountered thus far, and my sister-in-law and niece (currently a senior at Alabama) have been a fountain of useful knowledge and loving help as my wife and I are beginning to be initiated into all of the “ins-and outs” of the “Fight Club” that is “UA Parent”.

They are several University of Alabama parent groups that – after being encouraged to join – I am now a member of on Facebook, and I have to say that although there are a few posts that contain useful tips and advice, the bulk of these messages (and there are dozens of new ones every day) reveal a level of “helicopter” parenting  and/or attachment issues that border on clinical examination.  For example, I couldn’t understand the short-hand of “DD” and “DS” I was constantly seeing in these posts. I was cheerfully informed that this stands for “dear” or “darling” daughter and/or son.  My reaction was – “are you being serious right now?”  Oy vey.

Parent’s Weekend was also just announced this past week (late September).  By the time I saw it posted (and it wasn’t long) – EVERY hotel room within a 50-mile radius of Tuscaloosa was already booked.  Sure, I can probably rent a house on VRBO or AirBnB, but the prices I’ve seen listed are already in the four-figure range for the weekend.  My niece graduates this coming spring, and the family booked their lodgings over a year in advance.  Over a year.  A local could probably get $300 a night for a pup tent and a pair of hammocks slung between two trees if they had room in their yards.

Lastly, this whole “Roll Tide” thing.  It’s like a not-so-secret password that identifies one as part of the tribe – and by God, you had better be saying it back – loud and proud – if someone says it to you, or else you’ll get stared at like you just dropped your pants and took a dump at a baby’s christening.  ESPN created a memorable commercial on this phenomenon in 2010 (click here to see it), and while funny, it is extremely on point – even today.  Yes, it’s really like that.

So, I’ve got a lot to get used to over the next four years (above and beyond out-of-state tuition).  Bring it on, Alabama – I think I’m ready.

Roll Tide.