Have you been out shopping recently?  I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly noticed the continued rise and expansion of the “self-checkout” systems being employed at most grocery stores, department stores, and other retail outlets.

Look, I totally understand the convenience of a self-checkout line.  Sure, I’ve used them.  If I stop in at my local grocery to grab a simple gallon of milk, I’ll be the first person to scan my jug, swipe my card, and be on my merry way.

But here’s the thing.  It’s obvious that the retail industry wants their patrons to utilize these lanes for more and more of their regular transactions.

Have you been inside of a Wal-Mart in the past six months?  Just count how many self-checkout lanes they have now.  It’s equal to (if not greater than) the amount of “regular” lanes they utilize (and that’s saying something at most Wal-Marts).  Why do these corporations love them?  The answer is quite simple – money.

Sure, these units are expensive, but it’s a one-time expense for the company – and for every one of these units they purchase?  Well, that’s one less person they have to hire.  You’ll notice they have one or two people overseeing anywhere between five or ten of these units (sometimes even more). 

Then, there’s the units themselves.  They never call-in sick, they never ask for a break, they never complain about their pay, they don’t need benefits, and they’ll work 24 x 7, if you need them to.  Cha-ching!  That one -time purchase just paid for itself in one year.  And guess what?  That’s a permanent reduction in payroll, a job that has been successfully eliminated, and a position that will never need to be filled again.  Hello, bottom line!  CEOs love them – and they want YOU to love them, too.

Isn’t it convenient?  Isn’t it faster?  After all, you’re doing it yourself.

But, you may argue, they’ll always have SOME regular lanes, right?

Don’t bet on it.

I was recently in a Target, packing a cart full of items with my oldest daughter as we shopped for her impending college year.  We finished picking everything out, steered our cart to the front, and found that there were NO regular lanes open.

Not one.

This was at 11:00 AM – on a Saturday.

Only the eight self-service lanes were functioning – plus the customer service desk.

It wasn’t like they didn’t have the personnel.  There were five employees standing in Customer Service, so obviously this was some sort of test from management.  Can we push ALL of our customers to use the self-service lanes?

Well, not this one.  Sorry.  I queued up at the Customer Service Desk.

“Uhh, sir?” came a voice from the Customer Service area.  “The self-checkout lanes are available, if you’d like.”

“I see them,” I politely replied, with a voice dripping in sarcasm, continuing to wait for the next available Customer Service agent to ring me up.

To quote comedian Bill Burr, “Do you see a nametag on my shirt?  No?  Do you know why?  That’s right, because I don’t work here.”

It’s bad enough that I have to bag my own groceries at the supermarket anymore, but I’m certainly not going to scan 30 items at the department store because management doesn’t want to open a check-out lane.

And I wasn’t alone.  The line behind me was five carts deep – and growing.

A floor manager finally relented and opened a regular lane once the queue hit its tenth cart, with shoppers audibly grumbling much louder than I was.

Unfortunately, our collective anger may not override the direction that corporate America is taking regarding the use of these kiosks.  Buckle up, consumers and retail workers.  It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.  Just think about how much fun “Black Friday” is going to be this year.

Maybe next time, I’ll just buy my stuff online.

At least Amazon still delivers to the house.