The new “Sunday School Edition” of the Oriental Trading Company’s fall catalog just arrived at my doorstep, and boy-oh-boy – it’s a doozy.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I completely understand the importance of keeping kids interested and motivated in a faith journey (no matter what faith you may practice), but the weird trinkets and thing-a-ma-bobs that this company puts out as toys and crafts make me scratch my onion with perplexity, confusion, and downright laughter.  While nothing will ever top their infamous “pop-up Jesus” from a few years ago, they still manage to amaze me with their product offerings.  Here are just a few samples from the latest catalog:

 

Moses and the Ten Commandments Wind-Up Toy

That’s right kids.  Now you can recreate the moment when Moses descended Mount Sinai with God’s holy laws.  Just look at that smile on his face as he waddles towards you.  There’s a man who knows he’s got the goods.

 

Religious Crayons

Are these somehow different from secular crayons?  Do they only work for six days (and take a rest on the seventh)?  Do they smell like gold, frankincense, or myrrh?  Color me confused.

 

Mini Cross-Shaped Suckers

Yikes!  Not only do these look like a choking hazard, I’m not sure about my comfort level of watching little Timmy lick and bite a religious symbol.  “Mommy!  God tastes like cherries!”  Easy there, little man.

 

Jesus Pencil Toppers

“Please help me pass this math test, purple pencil topper Jesus!”  I think I’ll take this one from our Lord and Savior and answer “maybe you should have studied.”  Plus, I just think this sends the wrong message.  He died for your sins, Gretchen, and soon, a few strokes of his hair will make your atrocious spelling of the word “vacuum” disappear.  Also, after a while, the well-used and now headless Jesus pencil topper/eraser just makes us all a little uncomfortable.

 

But, far and away, the award for weirdest product in this issue’s catalog offerings goes to:

 

Religious S’mores Stress Toys

What in the world is religious about s’mores?  I mean, I’ve had some good ones in my day, but none that has made me change the course of my spiritual future.  Are they even mentioned in the Bible?  I’ve read mine a few times and don’t recall the disciples sitting down at a table to share marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers.  I seem to remember a lot of bread and fish on those menus.  Squeezing foodstuffs at a time of stress also doesn’t seem like the best habit to get into, either.  Maybe I’m out of the loop on this one.

 

These are all legit (don’t worry – Oriental Trading Company also offers lots of “normal” products that are just fine for both kids and adults to use in a church setting).  Check them out at www.orientaltrading.com – you’re welcome in advance for the laughs.